What's Happening This Week
Words for the week: 0
Current workout: House hunting (does that count?)
What I’m reading: Dune by Frank L. Herbert. I’ll likely finish it today. I recently finished Dragon Keeper by Robin Hobb, Book One of the Rainwild Chronicles and Book Ten in the Realm of the Elderlings saga. Up next? Probably Dune: Messiah.
So, Hi
It’s been two weeks since I had coffee. Two. Weeks. I want it. I miss it. I dream about it. Honestly, it’s enough to make an adult cry. If you’ve ever quit coffee, I know you’ll understand. If you haven’t, well, send prayers, good vibes, or chocolate. (Wait, scratch the chocolate—I’m trying to behave. I haven't even had Oreos.)
Anyway! Let’s move on.
I missed last week’s journal entry, and for that, I apologize. It wasn’t planned. Between work and house hunting and a thousand small things, life's been a lot. I’m staying optimistic, but there’s no denying the weight of it all. And the truth is, I’m struggling.
Facing the Holidays
I held myself together for about a month, but as Thanksgiving and Christmas approach, some harsh realities are setting in. This year will be different. Very different. I won’t be celebrating with the people who were a part of my life for the last 19 years. That’s a hard pill to swallow.
To go nearly two decades being told you have worth, that you’re loved and seen as family, only to have it all disappear without so much as a phone call? Yeah, I’m bitter. I’m angry. And I’m hurt. I know I touched on some of this in my last journal, so I won’t dwell too much here, but it’s eating at me. There’s no closure, no resolution. Just a gaping hole where those relationships used to be.
Even something as simple as watching Christmas movies feels daunting this year. These aren’t just my traditions—they were our traditions. Every song, every movie, every little thing is tied to shared memories. I want to enjoy them again, but right now, I can’t see past the weight of what they represent. Maybe that will change as the season unfolds. I hope so.
The Stress of Moving
House hunting has been...not great. I have time, but time feels like it’s slipping away far too quickly. There’s no room to relax on this front. Every day is a balancing act—figuring out what comes next, staying on top of work, trying to write, trying to read, and failing to find moments to simply enjoy life.
Writing hasn't happened in a bit, and even reading has been a struggle until this past week. Thankfully, I'm finding joy in my beta reads and in diving into Dune. After seeing the two most recent movies, I decided it was time to experience the book itself. Let me tell you, it’s phenomenal. I haven’t been this captivated by a story in a while. Most of my reading this year has been comfort-focused, revisiting familiar series instead of branching out, but Dune reminds me how exciting it is to step into something new.
The Comfort of Companions
The pets are all doing well, and they’ve been a source of immense comfort through everything. My oldest ones are really showing their age, and while that’s hard to face, I’m focusing on the joy they bring me every day. Love isn’t about dreading what’s to come—it’s about cherishing what you have, from beginning to end.
These nine critters have been my rock, my constant. I can’t imagine life without them, and I treasure every moment, whether it’s a silly playtime or a quiet cuddle session.
Discipline and Determination
The workouts? Let’s be real—they haven’t happened. I’m not even going to pretend I’ve made an effort. I’m eating well, at least, and the fact that I’ve managed two weeks without coffee gives me hope. It’s a matter of discipline. If I can stick to this, I can stick to other goals, too.
Writing and working out? Those are next. Discipline is the key, and it’s time for these areas to follow suit. This week, I’m determined to make progress. I want to move forward—not just with the beta reads and the drafts, but in creating a rhythm that works for me.
Looking Ahead
This will be a productive week. I’m setting that intention now. I’m eager to hear from my beta readers about A Feast of Stones and excited to make headway on Book Three’s draft.
Life is heavy, yes. There are challenges that feel insurmountable at times. But I’ve got my goals, my companions, and the stories that fuel me. I’ll get there, one step at a time.
To you, the reader of this journal: Stay strong. Keep going. You are loved. You are wanted. There is a bright tomorrow out there, and we’re moving toward it together.
Until next week.
Edward
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